Friday, October 14, 2016

Do you even Chinese Phood, brah? Pt 1

Yeah, yeah, it's been a minute since my last post(s). Shame on me, blah blah blah. But are you ready for some more foodp0rn? I mean the really good stuff. No Panda Expressin' it here. Let's see how well you know real Chinese food...



These are from my last trip to Beijing, which I've been lazy about uploading. But you know I wouldn't leave you hanging forever, right? Now, let's talk northern Chinese food.

When you're in Beijing (née Peking), you have Peking duck.


"But wait, AJ, I have Peking Duck all the time at [such and such] Chinatown!"

Ok, first of all, wrong. Chances are, you have a Cantonese roast duck. Mostly because chances are, you're living by a Cantonese Chinatown. For a number of historical reasons that I'll punt to another AJ blog on another day, that's going to be the case.

The Chinatown duck, dripping with grease, is NOT Peking Duck. Credit: Laika ac
To the untrained eye, all ducks might look the same (there's a joke to be made here), but they're completely different. Duck, of course, naturally has a thick layer of fat, especially around the breast area. An authentic Peking Duck will have its skin -- as well as the adjoining fat -- roasted to a crisp (think chicharron) . In fact, the skin is arguably the biggest draw when consuming the duck.

When ordering a Peking Duck, it's important to note these niblets of knowledge:

  • The type of duck is also called a "Pekin" variety. And yes, that name obviously comes from Beijing. It's your standard, homestead-variety white duck, bred and domesticated ages ago in ancient China.
  • Proper Peking Duck is roasted in a wood-fired oven. In the dusty plains of Northern China, wood has historically been a scarce resource... so naturally the elites had to make it even harder by specifying a particular type of wood... from the jujube (Chinese date) tree. Low smoke levels and a pleasant aroma are some of the more practical reasons for using this type of wood.
  • It's an experience. When dining in, a proper duck is sliced by a specially-trained chef (think Japanese puffer fish, but sans toxin). The better restaurants will always try to make some kind of visual spectacle of the "carving", and will do it at your table, right before your eyes.
Our diligent chef carving away

More fun facts:



  • The Peking Duck is meticulously sliced into precisely (an auspicious) 108 pieces. However, unless you're going to sit there for 15 minutes and Count von Count the exact number, your chef will probably also take some liberties with that number. But definitely feel free to contrast this with the Chinatown duck experience.
  • After slicing, you're asked by the establishment how you'd like to consume the leftovers (mostly bone meat). Usually patrons choose between making duck soup or tossing it in a stir fry. You can also take the bone meat as-is or refuse it altogether (if you're feeling particularly wasteful, which is apparently new Beijing chic).
Special Note 1: At this point, you'll have to excuse the low-light environment. This was one of the more favored restaurants by locals in central Beijing, but it also happened to have the ambiance of a nightclub. Well, given that I was being treated I wasn't going to complain.

Here's what one plate of sliced duck looked like :

I think we got two or three of these plates

Don't forget to pack the condiments.

One thing that's really important to note is that you don't just eat the duck straight. Because no, that would just be too easy, wouldn't it? No, like everything else that's associated with the imperial elite, foods had to be presented with extravagance but consumed with conservatism. That's why we have all these nice condiments.
  • Traditionally, the must-have condiments were scallion/green onion and plum sauce/sweet bean paste. Nowadays, upscale restaurants will start charging for your condiment "set", so they've dressed it up quite a bit, with things like sea salt, pickled radishes, and veggies.

The point is to wrap it all up like a mini egg roll.

I tried and did a horrible job. Not just that, but I realized I was doing it wrong the whole time. My little Peking Duck roll was subpar. No pics, sorry.

Special Note 2: At this point, I'll now confess that I was kind of on a traditional Chinese set-up date for this meal. Yeah, I know. That's why I didn't go full-on crazy with the photos (sorry). But the good thing is, you can enjoy Jane's beautiful, impeccably well-manicured hands school me on how to properly roll a Peking Duck.

You do it with your chopsticks, apparently. smh moment.

So, mine (just trust me on this) ended up looking like silly-putty on the asphalt in a Fresno summer. Whereas much like Jane herself, her roll was neat, slim, and exquisitely presented:


It was tasty.




So this one in the photo above was made for me (I know, aww). Anyways, did it taste any better than my own? Objectively, no. But I sure enjoyed seeing it get made. And I suppose that's really half the fun of Peking Duck -- it's as much a show as it is a tasty entree.

One final thing. I don't really eat duck too often. To be honest, it's not my favorite thing and I feel a little weird eating it. I guess it's because ducks are among my favorite creatures. I take photos of them anytime I see them. Ducks pair for life, which I find incredibly endearing. You'll never find a duck more than a few yards away from its mate. So suffice it to say that while I certainly enjoy this delicacy, it's not an everyday food for me to any degree.

That's it for now, but stay tuned for Part 2 of what (I'm hoping) will be a 3-part series on me catching this blog up with Chinese food, IRL.





















Tuesday, March 17, 2015

St. Patrick's Day, Green Hats, and a Weird TIL

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

This morning, I noticed some people walking around with green hats. Which I think is perfectly fine, but the Chinese in me always thinks of our good-natured taboo of wearing green hats.

A lot of green hats. I sure hope that it's got nothing to do with marital strains. Credit
You see, the phrase "wearing a green hat" is a euphemism for "cuckold", or the deceived husband in an extramarital affair. So when we say in Chinese that Mr. Wang is wearing a green hat, what we really mean is that Mrs. Wang's been a bit naughty. As you might imagine, the association has made it increasingly difficult for modern Chinese to literally wear green hats. Hence, the presence of any green hats is made all the more noticeable in daily life.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Is This How LV Cornered the Chinese Market?

I found myself on the homepage of eBay when this item caught my eye.


Yup. That's a Louis Vuitton Thermos. Now, before you wonder, I own absolutely no Vuitton items of any sort. Unless you count a very obviously imitation wallet that I purchased in China many years back. It was a piece of crap and didn't last very long.

If this isn't how the luxury goods giant conquered the hearts (and wallets) of Chinese consumers, then this is surely how they'll do it going forward.


Saturday, March 14, 2015

PSA: Eating these will not make you skinny.


... but NOT EATING these could.


Now at your local Costco and other fine stores: A brand that could only be formulated by the marketing team of the largest multinational food and beverage conglomerate in the world. Mmm. 150 calories that I didn't need in the first place....

And don't you just love that sexy, malnourished cartoon cow?


What's this?! Another product with the word "skinny"? non-GMO Popcorn? AND it's GF! Gee, I'm not even remotely attracted to popcorn, but hey, it's GUILT-FREE, right? Not exactly. But it's only 39 calories per cup of guilt. Never mind that measuring popcorn (i.e. mostly air) by the cup is perhaps a little disingenuous.

A Bit About Me and Japan

You might have noticed quite a bit of stuff on my blog relating to Japan. I wanted to give an explanation of why.
Me in Tokyo for the first time 1997. Yes, I was a fat kid.
For those of you who don't know me personally, I'm Chinese but also speak Japanese. I started taking classes during freshman year of college, and continued to study it for all four years. After spending part of every college summer in Japan, I also lived and worked in Tokyo for my first job out of school (eerily, I worked in one of the buildings you see in the background of the photo above). Thanks to the country's outrageously generous subsidy for foreigners via the national rail pass, I have now have visited more places in Japan than most Japanese people.

This is a short story of how I got started, and what it means to me today.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Badly Translated Engrish Menus

I think most of us have seen bad Engrish, right? This menu was sent over by a dear friend, was probably one of the single worst best examples of a total machine translation FAIL and an absolute Engrish GOLDMINE.

I'll have you know that "F*ck to fry the cow river" happens to be one of my favorite Canto dishes!


So what did the cold cow pick?

I'll have one The row of Spain, please.

Tell me about The carbon burns... is it hot?

The red double is pleased, and so will you.

Did they make you laugh? It's hilarious when you have absolutely no idea what is going on. It's even funnier if you know a bit of Chinese (especially Cantonese, in this case), English, AND have an understanding of how Google Translate works — or in this case, doesn't work.

I hope, however, that it doesn't put anyone off actually eating at this restaurant. If I screen out the translation, this actually looks like a pretty tasty menu. Any questions of what these items actually are meant to be translated as? Let me know and I'm happy to explain.

Special thanks to Ting at A Long Happy Life blog.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Killing Them (Not So) Softly: BART and Your Eardrums

For anyone who has taken the BART in San Francisco, and for anyone who takes it every day, you know that these trains are loud. Like, really loud. In fact, if I didn't have my in-ear headphones, I would have to cover my ears through some sections.
For my own sake, I needed to know whether taking the BART would affect my hearing over the long term.
(Image: Wikicommons)

But just how loud is it?